Tuesday, May 13, 2008


The following quote may not really have anything to do with being a mother, but as we all know being a mother has much to do with being a woman. We are constantly wrapped up in trying to find a way to be women, to be moms or to just be people.

"The complicated silence that has prevailed about woman's inhumanity to woman."While women may not be aggressive in the same way that men are, cross-cultural studies confirm that girls and women are equally aggressive in "indirect" ways,and mainly toward each other. Women envy and compete against other women instead of men and tend to deny this, even to themselves. Like men, many women also hold sexist beliefs and are often unaware of it. Women depend on each other for emotional intimacy and bonding, but their power to form cliques, gossip about and shun one another enforces conformity and discourages self-confidence and psychological clarity from girlhood on. Are women oppressed? Yes. Do oppressed people internalize the oppressor's attitudes? Without a doubt. Women, therefore, must acknowledge their own sexism and gender double-standards before they can practice sisterhood, resist sexism, treat other women ethically, and forge realistic and compassionate personal and political coalitions."

By Pamela Viddal

I know that many of you who've read this blog, our very personal feelings on being mothers, and people, have come away feeling somehow like we've managed only to see the down side of being a mom. This is so far off base. What we are doing is trying to listen to ourselves, and give ourselves the chance to say what we are honestly feeling, difficult or not. This is not earth-shattering, it doesn't expose us for the monsters we are, it just is what it is. Sometimes what is being said sounds cold and lonely, but in reality, that is how it feels some days. Other days, being a mother is wonderful, the most joyous, beautiful thing in the world. Should we be strung up for being the ones who have the gall to talk about it? I sure hope not.

We've said it before and will say it again, it never gets easy to open yourself up and share these things, but for us, it is very important. Some of you might say, talk to your friends, talk to your spouse, why put it out there for others to see? Why? Well for me, it is because I have finally found the courage and the voice that was hidden for so long, that is all, nothing more than that.

When I was younger, still a parent, I didn't have the voice to say the things I needed and desperately wanted then to say. Sure there were a couple of times when I was heartless enough to complain aloud. As quickly as the words left my mouth, I found other women condemning me for having the nerve not to enjoy every single moment of motherhood. Why do women do this to each other?

I can only speak for myself , but I do talk to my wonderful, loving, respectful and intelligent spouse about all of this, every hard -to -hear detail. The most incredible thing about it, is he really understands; he supports and he is proud that the person he has chosen to share his life with, feels, thinks and challenges beliefs.

I am so happy that I am loved enough to feel safe, unjudged, even when some of you might wonder how a woman who chose to be a mom could ask hard questions both of herself and other women.

Harder yet, is coming to the realization, that even today, in a climate of change, women still feel like they have to hold back, not upset the balance (news flash, there has never been balance). We would rather turn our backs , judge, ask why one has to stand up and say things that we know are real, and we've at one time or another, felt ourselves.

Quietly we are asked not to tip the scales, not to want for more, not to scream, if need be.

Sure some of you say, we've all felt it, just keep it to yourselves!!

Not on your life sister!!

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