Thursday, May 8, 2008

Mom?

I remember standing in the card isle year after year, struggling to find a card for my own Mother, a Mother that really didn't conjure up the feelings within me that, once again the rest of the world told me I should have. Instead I stood there time and again, trying to find the most generic card that didn't reflect on how her being there every step of the way for me had made me the girl, the woman I was or was about to become.

I more often than not ended up feeling like a foolish liar, handing over a card that was something that I couldn't really believe in. Why do we have to be forced to buy into the belief that Mom is the be all end all, I know I am not. I am just simply a Mom, a person, imperfect, unsure and most of the time short tempered.

I don't spend afternoons baking cookies, or ironing sheets. I struggle to find a few minutes a day where I can breathe, and have some time alone, I mean really alone (being in the bathroom with little fingers poking under the door doesn't cut it either).

I do love being a Mom, always knew I wanted to be one, but I am not sure that all it comes with is what I signed up for. Please don't get me wrong here, I know that one day all of this will be something we look back on and wonder how quickly it passed, but in the meantime I wonder what kind of Mom I really am.

Am I the Mom whose kids are standing in the card isle, pondering the validity of the sentiments on cards in regards to me, their plain, tired, grouchy Mom?

2 comments:

edies' world said...

Oh I can relate to the card comment. I often wonder the same thing, what kind of Mom am I? What will my kids remember the most about me?I hope its not the grouchy, crazy Mom.....but I wonder.... e

Motherhood Bites said...

Hey e. It's great to hear from you. There are times, I think, we all lay in bed at night and worry that we are complete failures as mothers.

Sometimes I consider my day a success if I go to bed with the knowledge that I did as little damage as possible that day (I sort of rate it by how many hours of future therapy I figure I've caused).

So, what kind of mother are you? What do you hope your kids will remember about you?