Things I've Learned

Boy, there's a whole lot of things I've learned, somethings useful, others, not-so-much.

I've learned from some wise old women (namely our mothers), never to test for a shitty bum by sticking your index finger into the side of a squirmy child's diaper. You're liable to come out with a finger full of the good stuff. Sniff instead. It might look bad, but hey would rather have a finger covered in shit?

Never, ever brag or appear to brag about how well your sweet little muffin sleeps through the night. This will only a guarantee that they will not sleep through the night again until they are in grade 6.

Never let your children think you are too flexible, no matter the age (this includes newborns). If they even get a whiff of flexibility, they are going to make you bend. Forwards, backwards, even inside-out, and they'll get all sorts of pleasure out of it.

Try not to, for even a second, think your child is incapable of certain questionable things. They are swift, cunning little creatures, who delight in our inability to believe they are anything but perfect (come on, we've all been there, with little Tommy's mom, who says her child couldn't possibly do something like that).

Finally and most importantly (at least to my sanity these days), never test a 20 month old. Walk on egg shells if you must in order to get through the day (this is one thing that overrides the flexibility rule). Give in, feed them lollipops, Popsicles, do whatever it takes to keep the little beggar from putting you into a straight jacket before your time.

I hope this helps! If anyone has any other wonderful words of encouragement, please share. And if it is only to tell us how fabulous and stress free it is raising your children, keep it to yourself (haha).