Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The New Life of a Former Sexpot

Sounds riveting doesn't it? Well not so much.

There once was a girl who was fun, exciting, and sexy. She liked to stay up late at night (well she used to be able to anyway), she loved adventure, traveling, eating exotic foods, doing things at the spur of the moment. She loved having wild, crazy passionate sex, and felt sexy doing so.

Well, what ever happened to that girl? She grew up, got married, had a few kids and lost her power. No it wasn't the super hero kind of power, but it was the kind of power that made her feel alive, and vibrant. And no it's not all about sex and the loss of what it used to be and mean to her. It's the loss of feeling desired, of feeling sexy and youthful. More frightening than that it's the realization that she is slowly becoming less visible to the rest of the world.

She sits back and watches. As women age, something happens, people start to perceive them differently. It seems like we lose something vital not only when we age, but when we become mothers. The perception of ourselves is forever altered, and it changes how others see us. And this doesn't seem to affect men/fathers in the same way.

Instead as men grow older they become more interesting, more attractive and therefore more appealing. Men gain, and women lose. I don't know how this occurs, but I've watched it happen time and again.

There is an interesting dynamic that takes place. When women are younger, they have all of the power, whereas, younger men do not. Very young women have this vibrancy about them, a kind of super charged sexuality that young men are drawn into and ultimately controlled (to some degree) by. And as women get older, have children, this power often shifts to their male mate.

Often after becoming a mother, we see a very large change in our sexual drives. Our energy is obviously focused elsewhere, like trying to maintain sanity, take care of everyone else around us and if there is any time left, we try to get some much needed sleep. The way we see, or imagine our bodies changes significantly, and that sexpot we used to be has faded into oblivion.

I personally miss feeling like a hot, sexy, desired woman. I am also thoroughly sick of feeling haggard, exhausted and unattractive, like I am just going through the motions much of the time when it comes to sex. I want more than a "quick after all the kids go to bed" romp in the sack, because we're just too damn tired to do anything else.

I want the passion back! I want to stomp my feet and demand that old feeling back! I want to have my husband walk trough the door and want nothing more than to rip my clothes off. I want to go to a movie and not be able to keep our hands off of each other. I want to be a super charged sexpot again, but how?

It's hard to come to terms with a new life, a new you, and let me tell you this isn't all that new. It's been a number of years, but only now is it really starting to hit home. It's the fact that age, and motherhood has changed me, the sexpot, for good. Too bad really, because I used to be way more fun.

1 comment:

The Dani Lama said...

Fantastic. And so sadly true...but the most amazing thing to me is the thought that young women have a sexual vitality that older women don't.

I mean, yeah, perky breast and tight skin are beautiful, but as a woman who's just turned 40, I can tell you that I have so much more to offer as a partner, and yes, a sexual partner, than I ever did when I was 20.

My experience in and out of the bedroom is vast. I'm confident about myself (mostly) and there is an intense real beauty to a woman who knows herself, likes herself, and knows what she likes.

Our culture is so focused on youth, but baby, I may be 12 pounds heavier and have a few more wrinkles, but as a sex pot, I have more to offer now than I ever did then!

Why can't we as a culture see that, honor it, and embrace it. Instead, we become, as you say, invisible. How do we change this without being labeled cougars or Mrs. Robinson's? I don't know. But if you need a compatriot in the struggle, I'll be the first to sign up.