It is so fucking unfair

There are so many tragedies of divorce. It was the single most difficult thing I have had to do in my life to decide to end our nuclear family, knowing that I would not see my children all of the time. I spend those days without them aching for them, missing them so deeply and completely that I feel physical pain. But here is the true tragedy; regardless of how much I missed them, how much they missed me, as soon as we are together we step right back into the function and dysfunction of a 'regular' family. It can be literally within minutes of seeing them again that we have fallen into the patterns of sibling fights and parental frustration, of not listening and consequences, of "but its not my mess' and 'because I said so'. And I am so sad and so angry. Shouldn't we all be on our best behaviour? Shouldn't we recognize how precious and tenuous our time is? And I feel that it is all of us. I know that I can set the expectation and the mood and influence much of the interaction, but I can't do it all. And mostly I fuck it up. They are girls and they at the age where they are needing to challenge and they are aware and yet unaware of the role they play in the family. I am so desperately sad that this is what our time has become and I can't help believing it would be different somehow if we were in a nuclear family.