Friday, June 13, 2008

Father's Day Shmother's Day

Okay, okay, okay, I know I already sound like a bitch, but I guess we have to be open to equality here when it comes to acknowledging, made-up, useless, forced holidays like Father's Day and Mother's Day. It's just another opportunity to make us face our parenting ups and downs, measured of course by the kinds of cards and gifts we receive, if in fact we receive any at all.

Well, I'm glad to say that we have a fantastic dad in our house, I mean a fabulous, committed father. Made only more wonderful by the fact that he is a step dad to my children, but treats them as though they are his own. He doesn't differentiate, he makes good on any promise he makes to any of them, his biological children or non-biological children. He's a good man.

My children are lucky enough to have two father's in their lives. Their dad is also a big part of their lives, the fun parts only of course. He doesn't have to worry about whether one of them needs to get to the doctor, the dentist, the orthodontist, a guitar lesson or anything else that requires him not having fun. Instead he usually holds off and sees them when it's a weekend preferably a long weekend, and he will pick them up at a lesson, if I get them there, barring there is no rush hour traffic for him to fight. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he's a gem!

So now I get to the real point. What constitutes a father? Is it simple biology, or is it measured by the same sort of investment mother's make to their children? It just really pisses me off that the man who stood their while I pushed his gigantic headed children out of my body, now barely knows them. And honestly doesn't even seem to give a shit that he is losing them, that they are slowing sliding out of his grip. They'll soon stand before him virtual strangers, and it will be too late.

He stopped over today and gave me this long winded description of how disappointed he is in our son. Apparently he has a bad attitude. God, that's hard to say, our son. Sometimes it feels as though the kids have only always been mine, where he's concerned, and now suddenly, he's fucking disappointed. Give me a break.

What does he expect, that he has been able to slip in and out of the kids lives like a dream and now he should be the centre of their universe? I highly doubt that will be the outcome.

We as mother's spend our days, our lives as parents, being parents. Yes, there are also plenty of father's out there who give and do as much as any mother, my husband honestly being one who is very, very committed. I guess I am just furious that their biological dad is given the title, and gets to share in much of the great stuff when he falls short in so many other areas.

Now my son, our son, gets to spend part of Father's Day with his dad. It's great, I'm glad they get to do this. But now this young boy is being put in a position that I was put in with my mother as a child so many times. He'll be expected to hand over a card, say the right things, and feel the right things, because this holiday says so. Does he feel them? I don't really know, I do know he loves his dad, but is growing increasingly further from him everyday. I just think it is unfair that we are made to feel things about these made-up holidays, that more often than not point out that we are just not cutting the mustard as parents, or kids.

Anyway, in light of my own bitterness...I do hope everyone is with someone they love this weekend, father or not.

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