Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
How am I, I ask?
As I stand, sorting through laundry, making beds, tiding the messes that follow me around, like a constant annoying companion, it struck me, that I don't really, honestly like doing these things. They just are, for the most part, the day to day grind. If I don't do it they won't get done, and then where would we be?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
The Gift
In those absolutely rare flashes of clarity, that occur to few and far between, it's an amazing marvel to see my children. Life is filled with so much noise--white noise, background noise, fulsome noise, outside noise--that my life, and how it intersects with my children, is seldom quiet. But recently, the din has lessened (I know it won't last long, so I'm grasping the moments), and I found myself seeing these people I helped create.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Good Enough
I'm a grown-up now, although it seems I'm still stumbling through some kind of childhood, trying to find my feet. I'm a mother, a wife, a friend, nearly forty years in the making I might add, yet still I feel judged, unsure of who I am, of who everyone wants, or expects me to be. I am what I am, I think, but unfortunately with that comes this perception by others of who and what they think I am. Truly, I'm a rather simple person, not all that complex, I want what most others want, to feel loved, complete (as much as we can) and accepted for who I am, even when I am not sure I myself know.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
It Hurts to be Beautiful
I am going to tell you a harrowing tale. One that makes my blood run cold, and makes me wonder what we're we making of our daughters?
Friday, July 18, 2008
All my ducks back in the nest
Oh I'm a sap, a real, super crybaby sap. Today I picked up my son from camp. He's been gone 13 days, and it was a long 13 days. I missed him painfully, but hid it quite well, my husband would argue this though.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Ready, Set, Go
Okay, I thought that the kids being home, having a very loose schedule to contend with, would give me oodles of time to think, write, post, draw, read and relax. What a schmuck I am. Of course that hasn't happened. Instead I've been trying to invent ways of evading the kids, all of them, in order to put a few meaningless blurbs on the blog, or read a couple of paragraphs here and there.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Fun, fun, fun
I try not to be petty when it comes to my ex-husband and his relationship with our children. It's hard, sometimes nearly impossible, but I honestly do try. But, then there are those moments, those that make me want to dance and sing for my kids, begging them to like me more than they like him, begging them to want to be with me more than they want to be with him.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Me, lonely?
It's been all of five days and I thought, well convinced myself anyway, when I dropped him off at camp, that I wouldn't miss him all that much. I've been away from the kids a number of times (product of divorce), and to tell the truth, it's not ever been as bad as some have made it out to be. Honestly, most times, it's been great, I've always needed the break and they've also needed a break from me. Of course the house always seems so much quieter, and cleaner for that matter, but there is always this little part of me that wonders how their days are when they are away from me.
The Motherhood Gene
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Takin' It Easy
Today I just want to sit and be. I don't want to run through the day, lists abound, rushing to get everything done. I want to enjoy the smallest one. Watch her laugh and be silly, sit with her endlessly, not worrying about the beds, laundry or dishes.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Will I Always be Broken?
Sometimes it hits me like a slap in the face. You know, the kind of slap in the face that comes when you're not expecting it? Well that's how it feels once in a while. When the realization creeps in that I'm pretty alone in the world. Here I'm supposed to be this brave strong woman, mother and wife, but more often I'm left feeling like a small scared child, abandoned at the bus station with no where to go.
Stellar and Stupid Parenting Moments of the Week
Welcome to week one of a new weekly feature here at Motherhood Bytes (In fact, I only just thought it up--it's fly-by-the-seat-of our-pants week here.
Friday, July 4, 2008
It's a Perfect Day for Bananafish
I have a confession to make. Yes, another one. Another shameful, dirty, secret, secret. It's the reason I've been so remiss in writing (it's been plaguing my thoughts and making me about as fun to be around as a pube-speckled bar of soap):
Thursday, July 3, 2008
It's Lonely At The Top
It's lonely at the top, of the food chain that is, well in my house anyway. It's eat or be eaten, and I tend to be the big drooling T-Rex that is terrorizing the rest of the innocents.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
My Babies
I watch my little girl grow, she is changing incredibly everyday. I am amazed at what a tiny little person, and her ever growing mind can do. Each day I'm afraid I am becoming increasingly more forgetful, struggling to remember the simplest of things, the placement of keys, a parking space, a common word. And here this small wonder whisks through life, gathering, storing and using enormous amounts of information, always hungry for more.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Slump
I'm terrified, I'm in the mother of all slumps. Summer is finally showing itself, the kids are done school, no more lunches, no more tight schedules, no more homework or backpacks. I always look forward to this time of year. When I can finally shut down, slow down and unwind from the year's tightening grip. But this year it feels different.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The New Life of a Former Sexpot
Monday, June 23, 2008
Run Patty, Run
So my friends, here's the skinny. I have to come clean. I have to share with you in the honest hope that my personal trials, frustration, and anguish can help you understand yourself, and thus, my dear, dear compatriots, save yourself!
These Kids
Friday, June 20, 2008
I just want to change your freakin' diaper!!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Belly Fat
Despair
Today I just want to give up. I want to slink home to my bedroom, turn off the lights and close the drapes and crawl under the covers. Maybe I will never come out again. I can't do this. I can't be a great mom and a brilliant employee and a loving, sexy partner all at once. I can't seem to get even one of them right, because when I try the other plates all drop. I am like the lame, creepy juggler at the carnival that everyone is embarrassed to watch because they know he is going to drop everything. I am tired and heart-wrenchingly sad and so desperate to just quit.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
My Beautifuls
I'm worn to a frazzle. Perhaps it's my own fault (well, no perhaps about it. Blame can be placed squarely in my corner, for first, having 5 kids--the last two when I was over 34, and second, for working full time--out of the home).
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