Monday, February 23, 2009

Help-no really...Help!


My ten year old daughter has just told me that she has an "unapproved" Facebook account (you have to be 13 according to Facebook to join-see how well that is working?). She, like her friends, is ten going on 13 and pushing into the envelope of what she can see and do. And I am proud of her. She was a careful and fearful child-we nicknamed her "safety girl" at age 3. I like that she is breaking rules and seeking information and stretching her reach. And she is very good at telling me what she is doing-I don't get all the details but she knows what is OK and not OK with me and that the rules should not be broken when it comes to safety.

But now she has reached into my world. And here is the dilemma: I feel that as a good parent I should be aware and involved and have access to what she is doing online, at least for the next few years as she flexes her online savvy and self. She and her friends have google mail and message and have glogs, and it is pretty cool to be able to email or text her when she is at her dad'.

Facebook, however, is my world. Clearly, it is public to a point, and though, certainly there are Facebook rules that apply even when my social filter doesn't, I am conscious of who I choose to allow as a friend-no clients or people that I would not like to have access to my personal life, no mom and dad (although I do have my aunt as a friend).

So what do I do? Do I insist that she and I be friends on Facebook (she has already said she would like that so it wouldn't actually be insisting), or do I let her just exist and ask to see her pages once in a while (or creep through her friends list like I did last night)? There is really nothing on my page that is ridiculously incriminating (except for the tagged photos of me from my 20th High School Reunion that I would like to disappear) and I do have teens as friends....

Or is this such a big deal after all?

1 comment:

zuzu said...

Thank you for writing this blog. I know It is years old now but it has been a great comfort to me over the past few "difficult" days with my children! I found myself laughing and crying as I related to so many of the things I read. I cannot for the life of me understand why this blog did not receive more attention and discussion. Maybe the great conspiracy of silence continues. Thank you thank you times a million for expressing these true feelings. I have thought a lot about why being a sahm makes me so unhappy at times and I believe it is the way society sets up mothers to mother in relative isolation instead of in a group (tribe) situation. It's so overwhelming when you cannot get away. It's a real pressure cooker situation. Moms need help! I loved being a mom when I had my first baby. He's now 11 and it was only after I had my third (the last two 18 months apart, now aged 3.5 and 2) that I really started to struggle.